New Girl - TinFinity   View more episodes

Aired at 04:30 PM on Friday, Sep 11, 2015 (9/11/2015)      View all transcripts from this day

Transcript

00:00:01Paper!
00:00:02(shrieking) Party time, man.
00:00:03Did you know that the chemical symbol for tin is SN?
00:00:07Schmidt and Nick. What?
00:00:09Is no one else's mind blown by this?
00:00:11That's it, our theme is TinFinity.
00:00:12TinFinity. That's actually really good, Schmidt.
00:00:15Yeah, it is. Although, I really don't think two men who live together for ten years need a party.
00:00:19Why must you always be like this?
00:00:20Because you never let me participate in the planning.
00:00:22I would love for you to participate.
00:00:24Gah! That was a trick. I was trying to get out of it.
00:00:26♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪Who's that girl?♪
00:00:29♪ Who's that girl? ♪
00:00:30♪Who's that girl?♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪
00:00:34They're celebrating ten years ofliving together?
00:00:36Why are we friends withthese guys, Jess?
00:00:38I...What happened?
00:00:39It's so weird to think that Nick is the last personI kissed.
00:00:42Actually, Schmidt's the last person I kissed. Okay, what?
00:00:45It was nothing.Nick was watching.
00:00:47What is happeningin this loft?
00:00:49Ooh, girls chat.
00:00:51Hey, Nick.
00:00:52(whispers): I wish I knew whatwas going on inside Nick's head.
00:00:54He's this, like,grumpy mystery.
00:00:57Jess, are theseopen for anybody?
00:00:58Yep. Right on, thank you.
00:00:59He can't communicatea feeling to save his life.
00:01:01But why can't Istop thinking about his mouth on my mouth?
00:01:05Hey, Jess, do I have frosting on my lips?
00:01:09Look at my mouth--do I have frosting on it?
00:01:12Wh-Why are you asking me this?
00:01:13My mouth feels moist and weird.
00:01:15Do I have anything on it?
00:01:16Get out of here! Ugh! Aw...
00:01:19Okay, you know what?
00:01:20You need what I needed.You need a new guy, all right?
00:01:23Dating Shivrang helped me get past allthe weird stuff with Schmidt.
00:01:26I need the Anti-Nick.
00:01:27Yeah.I need a real man, who can express his feelings,and I need a different mouthon my mouth.
00:01:32To erase that mouth.
00:01:33MAN:No, you actually don't need towash raw denim.
00:01:36Haven't washed mypants in 18 months.
00:01:38(laughs) Also, I'm bisexual.
00:01:41Microchips begettin' small.
00:01:43They be, like,blueberry size.
00:01:44So you could put 'emin your cereal, girl.
00:01:47I don't get your thing.
00:01:48It's prescription.
00:01:52Damn it.
00:01:52What happened to theguys in this bar?
00:01:54They open up a busstation next door?
00:01:56Where arethe real men?
00:01:57I can't talk right now.
00:01:58I'm writing a strongly-wordede-mail to my florist.
00:02:03Guys, guys,guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, look at the door,don't look at the door, look right now, don't look,one at a time.
00:02:06Look, but don't look.Guys, one at a time.
00:02:09Don't look now.
00:02:10Look. No, you'reboth looking.
00:02:11I don't knowwhat to do. I'm confused.
00:02:13Look right now at the door. Go.
00:02:14Oh...
00:02:16that is a strappingyoung man.
00:02:17NICK: That is Jax McTavish.
00:02:19He plays safety for San Francisco.
00:02:21Why's he with Winston?
00:02:22Winston looks so cool.
00:02:23What up, guys? Oh, "What's up, guys." You're just gonna walk over and say, "What's up, guys?" Winston, does he think you're Omar Epps?
00:02:28(chuckling): You guys talking about Jax?
00:02:30Look, I interviewed him at the radio station, and we just hit it off.
00:02:33It's not a big deal, you know, unless you think hanging out with a pro baller is a big deal.
00:02:36His hands are so big and warm.
00:02:37I want to fall asleep in them, like Thumbelina.
00:02:40How about, uh, introducing me?
00:02:41(laughter) SCHMIDT: Yeah, okay. You and Jax?
00:02:45(laughter) Yeah.
00:02:46Jess and Jax McTavish.
00:02:47Great bit, Jess.
00:02:49(laughing): What a dumb idea.
00:02:51Do it. No.
00:02:52You can't handle that kind of thunder. Hell, no.
00:02:54Jax and I are just becoming friends.
00:02:56I'm going over there. Jess, no, Jess.
00:02:58Guys...
00:02:59Hey, Jess, let me show you something. Hmm?
00:03:01It's right here.
00:03:02Hi, I'm Jess. I'm Winston's roommate.
00:03:04How you doing?
00:03:05I'm Jax. So nice to meet you.
00:03:06(whispering): Jess, stop it, stop it.
00:03:07Cool, so I hear you play for San Francisco.
00:03:08I do.
00:03:107.8 tackles, man, I can't believe you didn't go to the Pro Bowl.
00:03:13Here's my question: What's a "point-eight" tackle? (laughs) JESS: Did you know I'm a teacher?
00:03:18What would you teach me? (laughs) Nick... the theme is "masculine garden party." Look at that-- I made a graph.
00:03:22I thought you said I was gonna help you plan it.
00:03:24Nick, we both know that you're not very good with party chores.
00:03:27You sent out the invitations, right?
00:03:29Me?!
00:03:31I sent them out?
00:03:32Okay, I'm older now. I am wiser.
00:03:34I want to help plan my own party.
00:03:35Okay, fine, I will give you balloons...
00:03:37Oh, sweet, balloons are...
00:03:38...and Porta Potties. Porta Potties?!
00:03:40That sounds like a job for babies.
00:03:41Does that look like a job for babies?
00:03:43Oh, so this is a big job?
00:03:45I thought you were being disrespectful. No!
00:03:46Oh. Where do you think people are gonna go to the bathroom?
00:03:50I never thought of that.
00:03:51And you are now in charge of that, and if you dig a hole in a, in, in a dirt field, I'm gonna kill you.
00:03:57I don't want the responsibility.
00:04:01You can do this, man.
00:04:02What, what are your chores?
00:04:04Well, Porta Potties. Porta Potties.
00:04:06What's-- now, what is the first chore that I gave you?
00:04:08I have absolutely no memory.
00:04:09Balloons!
00:04:10I'm having an anxiety attack.
00:04:49smoke, there's a toxic mix of over7,000 chemicals coming for you.
00:04:55Krave!
00:04:55Wakey, wakey little chocolate.
00:04:58Wicked crunch outside...
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00:05:07yum yum!
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00:05:25twoperformances with ..
00:05:27You can make a whole night of karaoke.
00:05:28Always infinity.
00:05:30The world's first foam pad absorbs 10x its weight feels like nothing.
00:05:34Infinity.
00:05:36Always.
00:05:37Rewrite the rules This football season we get anything we want.
00:05:41ANY toppings, ANY specialty, ANY large Pizza Hut pizza, for just 10 bucks.
00:05:43If only this could last forever.
00:05:47But it won't Now until September 27th, bring home the flavor with the $10ANY Carryout Deal.
00:05:50Only at Pizza Hut Hut Hut.
00:06:10you.
00:06:11laughter) Big job interview?
00:06:13Oh yeah. Got everything I need: good resume, great references,perfect handshake.
00:06:17What about your credit?
00:06:18Credit-what-now?
00:06:19Some employers could ask tocheck your credit before they hire you.
00:06:22What if my perfect handshakewrites a check my credit can't cash?
00:06:25You can check your credit forfree at Credit Karma.
00:06:27Let me see that.
00:06:28Huh. That's just the ego boost Ineed.
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00:07:26It's two men celebrating living together for ten years.
00:07:29Uh, no, they're not.
00:07:30No, I can tell you for a fact that they're not.
00:07:33Okay, okay, I'm hanging up.
00:07:35So, good news.
00:07:37Um, my mom spoke to your mom last night, and they've given us their blessings.
00:07:42So that means...
00:07:43Well, now that the moms approve, when do you want to do this thing?
00:07:47Is that a... (scoffs) that a proposal?
00:07:51Oh, are, are you upset? I'm sorry, I...
00:07:53It's just, with arranged marriage, there isn't a lot of romance.
00:07:56No, no, no, I'm s-- I'm sorry, actually.
00:07:58I think I'm just a little taken aback by how quick this all has been.
00:08:02I barely know you, and...
00:08:03I used to just think that if I was being proposed to, I would notice it was happening.
00:08:07But we're doing this thing?
00:08:09Maybe you could just stop saying "doing this thing." Yup.
00:08:14Really did it.
00:08:16Beautiful job, thank you so much, what a...
00:08:18This is amazing-- everything's tin, you guys, everything.
00:08:23Hey, man.
00:08:24rented out the whole park, so take your soccer someplace else.
00:08:26Give us our ball back, you douche.
00:08:28Hey, yeah, sure, no, I'll give you your ball back. Great.
00:08:32(grunts) Pure tin, pure tin.
00:08:38Take your football back to Europe.
00:08:39Really? Who's the douche now, you douche "B"?
00:08:42I couldn't stop you from inviting Jax to the party, but Icanstop it from going any further.
00:08:47I will not lose Jax as a friend, okay?
00:08:49I might not have any game, but, oh, my goodness, can I take game away.
00:08:52I'm getting that mouth on my mouth, and don't you try to stop me, you...
00:08:54Look, clearly I have the upper hand when it comes to Jax.
00:08:57Do you? Oh, I do, because I know all about sports.
00:08:59Jess, you know nothing about sports.
00:09:01Oh, what am I going to do? I guess I'll just have to use my eyes, hair, boobs, legs, and adorable personality.
00:09:08(chuckles) Fool.
00:09:10I got, like, three of those things.
00:09:13These are amazing.
00:09:14You also got tablecloths?
00:09:15I feel so fancy.
00:09:16How much did you spend on this, Schmidt?
00:09:18Ah, Nicholas, I have what's called an income, you know.
00:09:22Well, you're not the only one who spent a little bit of money on this.
00:09:25Okay. Check this out, Schmidt, you're gonna freak out.
00:09:28Hey, I'm presenting, I'm presenting it.
00:09:31And that ain't no rental.
00:09:32Get up here.
00:09:33This is owned and operated by Mr. Nick Miller.
00:09:35Little help from Sid.
00:09:36You bought a Porta Potti?
00:09:37This one has warm and cold water, real soap dispensers, a fan.
00:09:41Too much.
00:09:42What's that? That's garbage.
00:09:43Garbage-- that's what the nursing home said about my mattress. I'll take it.
00:09:46For 60 bucks, and they threw in something called "septic enzymes," which I don't know what that is, but you're not supposed to get it in your eyes, for sure.
00:09:54I'm a small business owner.
00:09:55Why on Earth would you buy a...?
00:09:57You know what? Forget about it, I'm proud of you.
00:09:59Thank you, man. I gave you a chore and you came through.
00:10:01Yeah, now, look, now we have two.
00:10:02What do you mean we have two-- two of what?
00:10:03Two bathrooms.
00:10:04Yours andEl Baño Presidente.
00:10:07That's a Porta Potti?
00:10:08Yeah, luxury toilet.
00:10:09I thought that was the visitor's center.
00:10:11Well... That's enormous.
00:10:12Why did you get that, Schmidt?
00:10:14What, did you think I was gonna screw up?
00:10:16No, come on, man, no.
00:10:18You know how our relationship works.
00:10:19I'm over-responsible, you're under-responsible.
00:10:21Here's the good news-- now people have a backup to use...
00:10:23No, I want everyone to use this, I want it to be the main potty.
00:10:25No, no, I don't think that should be the main anything.
00:10:27I think people would be better off if they just made a cacain their hand.
00:10:30I don't think so; mine's better than that.
00:10:31I'm sure you killed it on balloons. Well...
00:10:32if you let me explain what happened with the balloons... Who needs balloons?
00:10:35I didn't want balloons anyway.
00:10:36This isn't a little girl's birthday party.
00:10:38This is a celebration of friendship.
00:10:39Then, as a friend... Yeah.
00:10:40I want you to get rid of that.
00:10:41I want everybody using mine. You spit on the...
00:10:43You brought a dirt dungeon to our TinFinity.
00:10:43All right, well, we'll see.
00:10:45I'm proud of you; you did good.
00:10:46I'm proud of you. You bought a spaceship.
00:10:50Hey, man, you watchHomeland?
00:10:51No? I'm in the first season, second episode.
00:10:53Don't spoil anything.
00:10:55Hey, flag on the play.
00:10:56Too many men on the field.
00:10:57Winston, get out.
00:10:58Jax, over here on the bench with me.
00:10:59Come on, let me show you some stuff. Okay.
00:11:07Go, go, Jess, go.
00:11:09Oh, boy.
00:11:10(grunting) You want me? Come and get me.
00:11:13I'm gonna get you... you can't get by me.
00:11:15You're down.
00:11:18Why would you do that?
00:11:19Winston, we're on the same team.
00:11:23What are you doing? (grunts) You did it!
00:11:26Touchdown!
00:11:27Man.
00:11:28(grunting) WINSTON: N-N-No!
00:11:31Why?
00:11:34What's going on, Sid?
00:11:35Did you tell 'em that ours works?
00:11:37Hey, guys, this is available, no line.
00:11:39That Porta Potti looks weird, Nick. What?
00:11:41It looks a little, looks a little weird.
00:11:43You look a little weird, Sanders.
00:11:45Why don't you wipe your butt with a little strawberry crepe, you little whiner?
00:11:48I don't really do well with bathroom pressure.
00:11:50Robby, don't dog me like this. I'm gonna give you your space.
00:11:52No, 'cause they're all following you, Robby, they're all...
00:11:56Get in there.
00:11:57I don't have to go anymore.
00:11:58Really? Yeah.
00:11:59So that's not full of pee? (groans) No. I saw you drinking those sodas.
00:12:03No, no, no, it's good. How about now?
00:12:04Stop, stop, you're gonna make me... (both laughing) I don't have to go, I don't have to go.
00:12:07Get in there, dude, or get out of this party.
00:12:11Wrong choice.
00:12:12Nick, what are you doing?
00:12:14I bought a Porta Potti, Jess.
00:12:16What, why? Yeah.
00:12:17I'm a small business owner... You own a Porta Potti? Yeah, but nobody's using it.
00:12:19This is not about a Porta Potti.
00:12:21Itisabout a Porta Potti.
00:12:22I don't want to talk about this.
00:12:23You know, it's been really nice hanging out with Jax because he likes to talk about his feelings.
00:12:28Give me a break, Jess. Is that really what you want-- a man who talks about his feelings all the time?
00:12:34No, right?
00:12:37Do you want me to use your Porta Potti?
00:12:40Yeah, but don't just do it for me; do it 'causeyouwant to.
00:12:42Mm, I'm definitely doing it for you.
00:12:44And just a tip... Yeah?
00:12:45if you want people to use your toilet, don't camp out in front of it.
00:12:49Do me a favor, if you're going to go in.
00:12:51Mm-hmm. Really sell it, 'cause I want girls to see it.
00:12:53Okay. You know what I mean? Just, like, make a show of it.
00:12:56Okay. Thank you.
00:12:57Bye, Jess, thank you.
00:12:58Ooh, just my style!
00:13:00Nicely vintage.
00:13:02Can't wait to get inside!
00:13:03Sure wish I had a good book.
00:13:05Can't wait.
00:13:06(flies buzzing) Oh, this is horrible!
00:13:08I got it; you told me like, ten times.
00:13:10Okay, but I'm just saying, I don't know what that one does.
00:13:12Look, the instant the big speech begins, you initiate toast sequence.
00:13:16You got that, Red?
00:13:17Look, don't-don't mess this up.
00:13:18Tippy go bye-bye, you mess this up.
00:13:20Tippy go bye-bye. Okay.
00:13:22Okay, great.
00:13:24Bite me, you wang.
00:13:25What did you say, man?
00:13:26Hey, Schmidt. Hey.
00:13:28You remember Shivrang?
00:13:29Shivrang, what is up, my man?
00:13:31Welcome to America.
00:13:32Listen, just a little heads up, we're serving cow-meat tacos tonight, so...
00:13:35You mean beef.
00:13:36Cow meat, Shivrang.
00:13:38I'm not crazy.
00:13:40It is beef, right?
00:13:42Hey, can I just say I like you a lot?
00:13:45(chuckles) I like you, too.
00:13:48A lot?
00:13:49'Cause I said "a lot." I-I knew I felt this way, the moment I met you.
00:13:53Yes, a guy who can tell me exactly how he feels.
00:13:57That's what I want.
00:13:59That is what I want.
00:14:00It's just...
00:14:03You, uh...
00:14:05(sobbing): You make me...
00:14:09Are you okay?
00:14:11I-I like you a lot.
00:14:15Yeah, I-I...
00:14:16Yeah... (clears throat) I'm fine, I mean...
00:14:19You know what else I like?
00:14:21I like beer.
00:14:22I drink beer.
00:14:23'Cause I'm a man, and I play football.
00:14:25You want some beer? I'm gonna get a beer.
00:14:57
00:14:57I just wasn't feeling that one.
00:15:00Let's go!
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00:15:30Scott...
00:15:31what like.
00:15:33I thought we agreed to share him?
00:15:36So that's what you meant by dessert!
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00:17:38I don't think so.
00:17:39Contract the rainbow!taste the rainbow!
00:17:45It's almost toast time, and I made... Okay.
00:17:47made up a few cards. You know, just jotted down a few notes and bullet points for you.
00:17:50I was gonna do my own toast.
00:17:51I know what I want to say about you.
00:17:53At least take a look at them.
00:17:54I worked really hard on these. "I'm nothing without you." "Thank you for supporting me "during that thing, financially and..." This is a full speech.
00:18:04Feel free to make it your own.
00:18:05Why is it that you think you're better than me, Schmidt?
00:18:08What? What are you talking about?
00:18:09Why do you think you're better than me?
00:18:12Our friendship didn't used to be this way.
00:18:13Remember back in college, when we were equals?
00:18:15You get any last night?
00:18:17No. You? Hell, yeah.
00:18:19Really? No.
00:18:21We're equals. Equals.
00:18:24And then you got that juicer, which I was excited about.
00:18:27You were at a dangerous fat level, but somehow you got skinny, and I became this idiot that you need to take care of.
00:18:32Don't resent me for getting my life together.
00:18:35Oh, your life's together? Yeah.
00:18:37You're throwing a party to celebrate living with your college roommate for ten years. Yeah.
00:18:42What are we doing here?
00:18:43What are we celebrating?
00:18:45What do mean, "what are we cele..." We're celebrating TinFinity!
00:18:49Ten years, two hearts, one home!
00:18:54Loyalty and great conversation.
00:18:56It's right here on the cards!
00:18:58Okay, that ain't right.
00:19:01Hey, Winston. Aha.
00:19:03I see you've come to gloat.
00:19:05Is Jax known for being intense?
00:19:06Yeah, Jess, he's supposed to be intense.
00:19:08He's a professional athlete.
00:19:10You know, he doesn't run.
00:19:11He sprints.
00:19:13He doesn't jump. He leaps.
00:19:15And he doesn't like, Jess. He loves.
00:19:18Hmm.
00:19:24(clears throat) Hey. Hey.
00:19:28Hey, look, I'm sorry about...
00:19:30No, no, no, no, don't be... don't be sorry.
00:19:31It's...
00:19:33The truth is...
00:19:34I just got out of a relationship that sort of crushed me.
00:19:38And everybody thinks that pro football players are big and strong, and I am.
00:19:41It's true. Look.
00:19:43Whoa! (laughing) This is nothing for me.
00:19:46I can have 20 of you.
00:19:47Never put me down. But that means...
00:19:49when I fall, I fall hard.
00:19:51And yes, sometimes I cry.
00:19:52I cry, too. I cry all the time.
00:19:54I cry in my bedroom, in the bathroom, in the hallway, in the elevator.
00:19:57This morning... I woke up crying.
00:20:00I have this feeling...
00:20:03it's like I've known you forever.
00:20:04I have this feeling, too.
00:20:08Like, I want to French you.
00:20:10I really want to French you. (chuckles) SHIVRANG (over P.A.):..
00:20:13Can I have your attention, please?
00:20:17Uh, excuse me. Could I please have your attention?
00:20:21Um... Oh. Whoa.
00:20:22Hello. I don't know, um, any of you, but I'm Shivrang. Hello.
00:20:26♪ It started off so well... ♪ And... oh, there's music now.
00:20:30Um, look...
00:20:31And... Oh. Oh.
00:20:32What the hell is this?
00:20:33Um, Cece, where are you?
00:20:36Hey.
00:20:37Uninitiate toast sequence! This isn't it.
00:20:39This song is for Nick and I! ♪ In your glory and your love ♪
00:20:41Look, I know I said I wasn't gonna do some big proposal thing, but that being said, I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you, (guests gasping) so...
00:20:53WOMAN: Wow! ♪ Were nothing but a sham ♪
00:20:56Cece...
00:20:58(gasps happily) Do you, um... do you want to do this thing?
00:21:05♪ I'll love you until I die... ♪
00:21:11(laughs) Yes.
00:21:14Yes? Yeah? Yes.
00:21:15Yeah. Are you sure?
00:21:17♪ Save me... ♪
00:21:19Oh. Oh, wow.
00:21:20This is nuts.
00:21:22I-I didn't do this.
00:21:23♪ Save me, save me ♪
00:21:27♪ Save me ♪
00:21:29♪ I'm naked and I'm far from home... ♪
00:21:31It's shaped like an infinity sign, because they're going to be married forever.
00:21:35(laughs) ♪ The slate will soon ♪
00:21:38♪ Be clean... ♪
00:21:40Thank you.
00:21:43Thank you. Thanks.
00:21:45♪ To start again with somebody new... ♪
00:21:52Hi. Uh, I'd like to say something, too.
00:21:54That's Jax McTavish. I know.
00:21:56Um, I'd like to report a missing item.
00:22:00My heart.
00:22:01It was stolen by that little heart thief right there.
00:22:05(clearing throat) (guests sighing) I'm... I'm innocent. I didn't... I was framed.
00:22:09I just want to say in front of God and all these people at this gorgeous party that I'm in love with you.
00:22:16Mm... no. No. Nah.
00:22:19And I know it's early, but I think I met the girl that... I'm gonna marry.
00:22:25Who...? Who?
00:22:26I'm gonna marry you!
00:22:27(women shrieking, men chuckling) We are not on the same page.
00:22:32I'm gonna marry you.
00:22:33I'm gonna put a baby in you.
00:22:35We're gonna have dogs and cats.
00:22:38(guests applaud & cheer) I met my third wife!
00:23:23My name is Phil Zietlow, and I've been an engineer on the Cheerios team for 51 years.
00:23:26About five years ago, I found out that if my daughter-in-law, Joyce, eats anything with gluten in it, she feels pretty darn terrible.
00:23:32So my team and I came up with a way to remove the grains that contain gluten, from the naturally gluten free oats that Cheerios are made of.
00:23:39So now Joyce and I can have Cheerios together anytime we want.
00:23:43And if you love someone with celiac, or gluten sensitivity, you can too.
00:24:53I stage with my ACUVUE® Contact Lenses, I could actually see faces in the audience.
00:24:58A few rows back, I see my grandma.
00:25:01I'd never seen her so proud.
00:25:03Ask your doctor for ACUVUE®, the lens that changes everything™ Schmidty? Hey.
00:25:57Schmidt, stop it!
00:25:59You okay, buddy?
00:26:01Yeah. No, I'm-I'm fine.
00:26:04It's just, I'm really annoyed about the lighting cues.
00:26:06Also, our girl-to-guy ratio is taking a real nosedive.
00:26:08I mean, we're, like, two bro groups away from being a total wiener fest.
00:26:12It's just really disappointing when things don't work out the way you thought they would, you know?
00:26:17I do.
00:26:18Hey, why don't we get out of here for a bit?
00:26:21Get away from this party stress.
00:26:23You mean, like, take a trip together.
00:26:27No, just, like, walk 40 yards away.
00:26:30Don't think we need a trip or anything like that, pal.
00:26:35Jess? Hey!
00:26:37Hey! Hey! Oh, my God!
00:26:39So excited for you. Let me see it. Yeah.
00:26:41Oh. So beautiful. Mm-hmm.
00:26:44Is this good? This is good, right? It's good.
00:26:46I mean, it's-it's what I wanted.
00:26:47Yes! Yay! I'm getting married!
00:26:49(both whooping) So, what are you... what are you doing in here?
00:26:52I'm hiding. Oh, yeah, that guy.
00:26:54He seemed to, uh, really like you when he gave that speech. Yeah.
00:26:57He might not be the one.
00:26:59(sobbing and muttering) So you still thinking about Nick?
00:27:03No. Shut up. No.
00:27:05All right. (scoffs) Look at that, man. You did get a balloon.
00:27:09Yeah, I got a kick-ass hot air balloon.
00:27:12But it turns out, you need propane to get it up in the air.
00:27:15You didn't know that? How would I know?
00:27:17You didn't want to do any research?
00:27:18How could I do any research?
00:27:19(laughing) I was dealing with the Porta Potti.
00:27:22It's actually kind of nice.
00:27:24It's peaceful.
00:27:25Yeah.
00:27:28Hey, I'm sorry about Cece, man.
00:27:31I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but I always thought that I was gonna be the man to bone Cece for the rest of her life.
00:27:37I think we all did, buddy.
00:27:39To answer your question from before, this is what we were celebrating.
00:27:44Yeah, that's right.
00:27:45This is what we're celebrating.
00:27:47Yes. Yes. Yeah.
00:27:48Right? You're my best friend, man.
00:27:50Please. Ten years of living together.
00:27:52Upsetting, but kind of great, man.
00:27:55Here's to it. Yes.
00:27:57Not having roommates is for real losers, you know that?
00:28:01Mm-hmm.
00:28:02Equals. You said it, man.
00:28:07(yelps) Oh, you are such a Nancy boy.
00:28:09What is in that, man? Liquor!
00:28:10♪ If not for you... ♪
00:28:14♪ Babe, I couldn't find the door... ♪
00:28:16Mm. You pick out a song for our first dance?
00:28:20(laughs) Yes, I did.
00:28:21I didn't expect you to dance to it, but you know, I was going to dance for you.
00:28:25Yeah. Come on, it's too close quarters for that, Schmidt.
00:28:27That is beautiful. Pass the hooch.
00:28:28WINSTON: Nick's been hogging it all.
00:28:30Mmm. Here, have a sip.
00:28:31My mouth's been on it. It's not a big deal.
00:28:36It's just my mouth!
00:28:37I... I... It's okay. I'm all right.
00:28:39Come on, have a sip!
00:28:41You put your mouth all over it!
00:28:42You just said that. You put your mouth all over it, and I don't want to think about your mouth!
00:28:46You okay? I just... Yup, I'm fine.
00:28:47What are you doing? What are you doing, Jess?
00:28:49I just don't understand why we only have...
00:28:51I mean, I feel like I should have my own bottle.
00:28:53NICK: Because we were all gonna share...
00:28:54I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going!
00:28:55Where are you going?!
00:28:56We're pretty awesomewingmen for each other.
00:28:58Right. Because we're both the guy the girls want to sleep with, and we're boththe other guy, too.
00:29:02Neither one of us areTom Cruise or the other one.
00:29:04We're both Iceman.
00:29:06Yeah. Equals!Equals!
00:29:09You get a lot of girls?
00:29:11Um, I don't know.Yeah... Yeah. Me, too.
00:29:13I feel like you probably havea lot of game with the ladies. I know what they want sexually, and I'm notafraid to give it to them.
00:29:19I get that from you.I get that vibe, man.
00:29:19What about you?
00:29:21I feel like I put off a similarvibe, but kind of more on the down-low, you knowwhat I mean? Equals!
00:29:23Yeah. Equals!
00:29:37Ah... Three more, Cocktail Johnny.
00:29:39Schmidt, that is melon-flavored liquor.
00:29:41It's 4 proof, okay? That is safe to drink while you're pregnant.
00:29:44Melon balls. WINSTON: Schmidt, no matter how much you get drunk, Cece's still gonna be engaged. SCHMIDT: Cece?
00:29:49Now, I know you're down about it. I'm not down about Cece.
00:29:51This is, this is a mess. Winston, there are plenty of things to be down about: the air pollution in China, the deficit, The Hobbitwasn't very good. If I want to see dwarves in a real-time dinner scene, I would've gone to Koreatown. Booyah! Ball me.
Created by Patrick Riley